first love: part 3



Read the previous chapter  1 & 2
Her dreams were doomed and they were never destined for survival, at least not for her. After two weeks, i was finally able enough to talk to him. There isn’t an exact reason for not talking to him. He was just frank enough to ask my hand. But i reacted bad. Years have passed after my first love and i had lost my ability to dream from those years. I was helpless and can’t help him. I need to convey that and he should accept it. My sadness dissipated in those days and i was able enough to meet his eyes (huh!!!! Those eyes…. they looked deep down into me ). I didn’t want stop talking to him nor lose his friendship since i didn’t have many to be termed as friends.  


In the past two weeks i had gone through a series of arguments between my mind and heart. I can’t let both win. I got back to normal with my office routines. I called him up in the evening. Over the phone his voice seemed to be calm which made me keep me at ease in talking. I apologized for my over reacting and asked about his dinner plan. In the evening while getting ready i was nervous, someone inside me whispered to stay calm. He was waiting for me at the entrance. He welcomed me with a warm smile as if nothing has happened. He remained as if i haven’t hurt him. The ice breaking session after the two weeks was better than i thought.

He said he doesn’t like hiding anything inside and doesn’t like to talk with things kept hidden in mind. Whatever decisions he had taken in life after so much thoughts were never successful while all his instantaneous decisions were right for his life so far. Hence he thought it was best to say it openly no matter how i took it. He said sorry for placing me in such an embarrassed situation. He had called after that beach incident just to apologize. He never intended his statements to spoil our friendship. The conversation over dinner slowly made feel comfortable. Our talks shifted from the happenings of past two weeks and to office stuffs. 


I felt better that evening in the past several days. I got indulged with my deadlines again until one morning that envelope was handed over by my superior. Few months before, i was in search of change in my work and hence applied for the company’s foreign yearly deputation. Every year company selects 2 among the candidates. I don’t know whether to say luckily or unluckily, i am selected for this years program. Its one year program and i am assigned to join our company office at Italy: the land of Leonardo da Vinci. While applying there were many optional places but the historic and wanderlust demon in me chose “ITALY”.  My colleague had selected for Japan. I was happy and received greetings from my team mates. I informed my family too. They weren’t much happy about going abroad for such a long time. Since they knew my wish, they keep supporting me 🙂 Now only one person was left behind from informing. Its HIM!

I dragged myself till evening and thought of saying it directly. Finished with the work and called him up for a walk at the beach. After the last incident we both haven’t been there together and he agreed. This time i reached earlier and kept myself absorbed in the people from different life styles. I was long lost in watching them and didn’t even knew when he arrived. Hmm…its time to tell him. “I am going to ITALY” I said in one breath. He took a minute to smile and then congratulated me. He asked about the details. ” Didn’t i see a flash of pain in his face before he smiled? ” I didn’t want to think in such minute reactions of him. “How long will you be gone?” his question brought me back from my thoughts. “ONE YEAR”. “You will have a great time with work, travel and fun. So when do you have to leave?” , he said.  “Next week, i suppose. I haven’t received the visa and ticket yet from office”.
3ca04500aa3c568d842a86448c55aa78We departed to our respective nests and in another few day i was kept busy with finishing the held up works as well as clearing up the formalities. We just exchanged few calls and messages. I slowly started packing my things. On the previous night, we went for dinner at our usual place. We had to force ourselves from the repeated entry of silence amongst us. He had a big brown jacket and a diary for me as parting gift.  He knew very well that i didn’t keep well with my health and i will be facing European winter this time. In the midst of one of our conversation, i had mentioned about my habit of keeping journals and that prompted him for the second gift which had brown leather cover with faint yellow pages.  The next day he came with me from home to drop me at the airport. I handed over my home keys so that he can take care of it in my absence. He smiled and agreed to take care of it 🙂 We stayed silent on our way to airport. I wasn’t feeling good enough to part with him. Somewhere deep down i was feeling the pain which i kept on neglecting. We both knowingly stayed from letting emotional outburst.  My flight was announced and it was time for the check in. Huhhh….i have to say bye to him. As i turned, he just hugged me and said “STAY SAFE” with a kiss on my forehead. My eyes became foggy. I shook my head in response and patted over his shoulder. With an attempt to smile i said ‘BYE”. I took my bag and walked ahead. 
I could feel his eyes following me until i was totally lost among the hundreds of travelers at the airport. I could feel his thoughts of tearing apart. I had to fight myself from looking back since i knew that those eyes will be filled with tears and heart with pain.
Just because


to be continued…


27 thoughts on “first love: part 3”

    1. thank u…when i write i just have clarity only about the end. Rest of the things come instantaneous. Weaving a story based on a tiny thread is beautiful yet exhausting 🙂


    1. yes Akhila we do hide it. Thanks dear 🙂
      ആദ്യ പ്രണയം പലപ്പോഴും സുഖമുള്ള ഒരു നനുത്ത വേദനയായി അടിത്തട്ടിൽ ഉറഞ്‍ജുകൂടി കിടക്കും …..

      Liked by 1 person

  1. I read part 1 and 2 and today I read part 3.this is something that many of us face in our life.I liked ur style of writing and phrasing. Some of the emotions and feelings xpressed in the story will be the teenage memories of many.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I read part 1 and part 2 and today part 3 of first love. Good style of writing and phrasing. This is a story untold by many .An experience in many of our lives. Some of the emotions and expressions will make many travel back the memory lane. Teenage memories.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Is it a real incident from your life? what a boring question right? …lol. I fear one thing. My god is it like our Malayalam serials with 501 episode…. keep writing, you are getting better and better.

    Liked by 2 people

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