I don’t know myself now
Nor the question in front of me
I am vague to myself
I don’t rectify the change in me
Every step of change I climb
I start forgetting one by one
I got rid of my nature
I left them behind halfway
Slowly I fell for numbness
At first, I felt this to be silly
In between I realized
I lost MYSELF
The days of boredom kept ongoing
Realizations intensified the loss
They filled my heart, even though
I didn’t like, my eyes too…
അറിയില്ല എനിക്ക് ഇപ്പോൾ എന്നെ
എന്റെ മുൻപിലെ ഒരു ചോദ്യത്തെ
വ്യക്തതയില്ലാത്ത എന്നിലെ എന്നെ
ഞാൻ പോലും അറിയുന്നില്ല ഈ മാറ്റത്തെ
മാറ്റത്തിന്റെ ഓരോ കല്പടവു കയറുമ്പോഴും
ഞാൻ പതിയെ ഒന്നൊന്നായി മറന്നുതുടങ്ങി
ഞാൻ എന്റെ ശീലങ്ങളെ വിട്ടു
പാതിവഴിയിൽ ഞാൻ അവയെ ഉപേക്ഷിച്ചു
പതിയെ ഞാൻ മന്ദതയിൽ വഴുതിപ്പോയി
ആദ്യം നിസാരമെന്നു ഞാൻ കരുതി
ഇടയ്ക്കു എപ്പോഴോ ഞാൻ തിരിച്ചറിഞ്ഞു
എന്നിലെ എന്നെ നഷ്ടപ്പെട്ടതായി
വിരസതയുടെ ദിനരാത്രങ്ങൾ ഒഴുകിക്കൊണ്ടിരിക്കുന്നു
തിരിച്ചറിവുകൾ നഷ്ടസ്വപ്നങ്ങളുടെ ആക്കം കൂട്ടവെ
എൻ ഹൃദയത്തിൽ നഷ്ടങ്ങൾ നിറയാൻ തുടങ്ങി
ഞാൻ ഇഷ്ടപ്പെടാതെ എൻ മിഴികളും
എങ്കിലുമെൻ നയനങ്ങൾ
Adipoli 🙂
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written in 2009 during MSc
🙂
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Anno 🙂 appo pandu muthale oru sambavam aanulle 🙂 Keep going!
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look illaanne ulluu….ullile roudram ottum kuranjjittillaa…. :p
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Meesa madhavan lle saleem kumarne pole.. pinne look.. ninak odukathe glamoura **Thenkashipattanam** 😀
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😀 😀 😀
athu thanne…how r u?
Ivide njammalu depression experimenting stage il aanu…athaanu pazhaya kavithayokke pokkiyeduthathu :p
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Am good.. athe.. depression nu otta chavitt vach kodukk.. don’t do don’t do.. Elaine.. you are a champ and you should make more humorous post.. am a big fan! focus on positive stuffs.. seriously life is beautiful !! **Pinne depress aavanakondu you will be spoiling your health too.. so please.. depress avalle..
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I wish i could be more real but that is not acceptable to anyone. I amnot used to wear a mask…hence i am dejected every moment… I will come out of it, but dont know when.
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Listen, the best time is now and once you decided to come out of the shell, no one or nothing is going to stop you.. you know what, things which bothered say 10 years backs are not issues now or we don’t even remember what was that.. pinne njamalle chaggayimar lle.. ellam ushaar aavum nnu.. rock on!! 🙂
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athu sariya innathe prashanangal 10 yrs kazhiyumbol onnumalla….
“ente mounathinu ente divasangalekkaal aazhamerunnu”
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athaanu.. so live your life the way you want to not the way others wish to.. atreullunne.. people who care don’t ask explanations or judge us and those who don’t care wont be satisfied with whatever reasons we give 🙂
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u have the point and i agree…endhaakumo endho….ente shivanee…..
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ellam sheriyavum nnu.. vishvasam athelle ellam .. lle aahh thannennu 🙂 Cheers 🙂
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cheers… ippo ellaam (feelings) ezhuthi theerkkuvaa…ezhuthi kazhiyumbo oru aswasam aanu 🙂
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That’s good.. do it regularly.. if that helps don’t stop 🙂 pinne can spend time on watching some inspiring/motivating/RoCom movies too **Everyone is fighting their own battle, nammal oattak alla nnu vicharichamathinnu** so blog ushaar aaktto.. wishes.. we are there for you 🙂
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Thank u so much dear….I will write more 🙂 ezhuthaanum koodi pattiyirunnillel njan vadi aayene :p
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vendathathonnum parayandaa… angad ezhuthuva, enttittu nammal mattuvallavare vadi aakayimathinnu 😀
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😀
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Haha 😛
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Check out..! 🙂
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enthappo angine thonnan.. asramam kettanulla samayamayillallo..;)
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“മൗനം പാലിക്കാൻ ആണ് കല്പനകൾ…. അവകാശമോ ആവശ്യമോ പാടുള്ളതല്ല…..സഹിക്കുകയാണ് എന്ന് തോന്നാനും പാടില്ല …ഇങ്ങനെയേ നടക്കൂ …ഇതാണ് ശരി …ഇത് മാത്രമേ ശരി ഉള്ളൂ… ആത്മാവും ചിന്തയും പാടില്ലാ….മരക്കഴുത നിന്നാൽ ജീവച്ഛവമായി നിലനിർത്താം….”
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entha.. entha….aroda vazhakku..;)
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enne ishtam allaathavarodu thanne…pakshe enikku nilkaathe tharamilla…ente nisahayatha aanu…muthaleduppu aanu…
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enthu parayana…every coin has two sides…
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evide ippo enikku oru side ulluu…adutha side (manasamadhanathinte vasham) kaananam enggil njan ividam vidanam…
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https://mindsmusingss.wordpress.com/2016/11/04/life-the-roller-coaster/
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i am trying to solve ur puzzle :p
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😉
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Lovely write Elaine.
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🙂
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നിരാശയുടെ ഒരു നേർത്ത കനൽ മനസ്സിൽ ….
… ഇത് ഇത്തിരി നളതൈക് മാത്രം. Keep well. Regards
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Hope this be temporary 🙂
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Intellectually this may look stupid. Sometimes life has no logic. I am practicing this….Try.
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i will try it, thank u Binu 🙂
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Lovely!
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🙂
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ey…beautiful poem.. if depression makes such poems to surface, cheers to depression!!
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🙂
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HI Elaine, I saw your comment on Meenakshi’s blog. I have written a poem about Let Go. I invite you to visit my blog:
https://theshowersofblessing.wordpress.com/2016/09/04/let-go/?iframe=true&theme_preview=true
Hope to see you. 🙂
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Thank u so much dear…i will definitely check on the poem…😊
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You’re certainly very welcome here! 🙂
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