മഴയിൽ…/ In rain…

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English translation has been done below 🙂 Writing prompt from real life.

വർഷകാലം തുടങ്ങിയതോടെ സാധാരണക്കാരന്റെ യാത്ര ബുദ്ധിമുട്ടുകളെ അയാൾ പഴിക്കാൻ തുടങ്ങി. രാവിലെ ജോലിക്കു പോകുന്ന വഴിക്കു ആശുപത്രിയിൽ കയറണം, ഇന്നാണ് ഡോക്ടർ ചെല്ലാൻ പറഞ്ഞിരിക്കുന്നത്. അയാൾ കുടയുമെടുത്തു വീട്ടിൽ നിന്ന് പുറപ്പെട്ടു. അയാളുടെ നടപ്പിന്റ വേഗതയെ മഴയ്ക്ക് കുറയ്ക്കാനായി. അധികം വൈകാതെ തന്നെ ബസ് കിട്ടി. കവലയിൽ ഇറങ്ങി വീണ്ടും തിരക്കുപിടിച്ച റോഡിലെ ആൾക്കൂട്ടത്തിലൂടെ നടന്നു നീങ്ങുന്ന അയാൾ മഴയുടെ മങ്ങലിൽ അലിഞ്ഞു ഇല്ലാതെയായി.

മഴയുടെ ശക്തിക്ക്‌ രോഗികളുടെ ആശുപത്രിയിലെ വരവിനെ കുറയ്ക്കാനായില്ല. വേഗം ഡോക്ടറെ കണ്ടാൽ വേഗം ഓഫീസിൽ എത്താം ആ കണക്കുകൂട്ടലോടെ അയാൾ ഡോക്ടറുടെ മുറിയിൽ എത്തി. മഴയുടെ ശക്തി കൂടിയത് ഡോക്ടറുടെ മുറിയിൽ ജനാലയിലുടെ അയാൾ കണ്ടു. മുറിക്കു പുറത്തു ഇറങ്ങുമ്പോൾ വൈകിട്ട്  വീട്ടിൽ എത്തുമ്പോൾ തന്നെ കാത്തിരിക്കുന്ന അമ്മയെയോ അച്ഛനെയോ ഭാര്യയേയോ അയാൾക്കു ഓർക്കാൻ കഴിഞ്ഞില്ല. കുട നിവർത്താതെ മഴയിലേക്ക് ഇറങ്ങി നടന്ന അയാളുടെ വിറയാർന്ന കയ്യിലെ പേപ്പർ ചുരുളുകൾ മഴയിൽ നനഞ്ഞു കുതിരാൻ തുടങ്ങി. ഇനി അച്ഛനുള്ള ആയുസിന്റ കണക്കു പുസ്‌തകവുമായി ബസ്‌സ്റ്റാണ്ടിലേക്കു നടന്ന അയാളുടെ  മനസ്സിൽ വർഷങ്ങൾക്ക് മുൻപ് ഉള്ള ഒരു മഴ ദിവസമാണ് ഓർമയിൽ നിറഞ്ഞതു. ഇത്തിരിപ്പോന്ന തന്നെ ഒന്നാം ക്ലാസ്സിൽ ഇരുത്താൻ ആദ്യമായി യുപി സ്കൂളിൽ കൊണ്ടുപോയ അച്ഛൻ. പുത്തൻ ഉടുപ്പും പുസ്തകവുമായി സ്കൂളിലേക്ക് ഒരു കുടയുടെ കീഴിൽ മഴ നനയാതെ ചേർത്തുപിടിച്ചു കൊണ്ടുപോയ അച്ഛൻ. മഴ ഭൂമിയെ നിറയ്ക്കുമ്പോൾ സമ്മതം കൂടാതെ ഓർമ്മകളുടെ ഓട്ടപ്പാച്ചിൽ അയാളുടെ കണ്ണുകളിലൂടെ അണപൊട്ടി ഒഴുകിത്തുടങ്ങി…..

His day began blaming the rain for hurdles he faced every day due to the onset of monsoon rain. He has completely forgotten his days when he was deeply in love with rain. Today, he has to visit the hospital before reaching his office, the doctor has told him to come today. With the umbrella, he started walking into the rain. His footsteps were slowed down by the mighty rain yet he fetched the bus without much delay. Once he got down, he started walking through the street towards the hospital and soon he became spotless among the flowing crowd.

The rain couldn’t lessen the crowd in the hospital. “Sooner I meet the doctor, sooner I can reach the office” whispered his mind and he entered doctor’s cabin. He saw the downpouring of rain through the windows. When he got out of the room, he could no longer recollect the faces of his mother, father and wife waiting for his arrival in the evening at his home. He walked into the rain and the papers held in his shivering hand became soon drenched in rain. Rain washed away the inked letters of his father’s limited life span but couldn’t vanish the doomed fate. His mind went ages back to another rainy day, where a 6 yr old boy holding the hands of his father walking towards a primary school.  When the rain filled the womb of earth, the uninvited tears began rolling down his eyes!

Memories…..

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Pic Courtesy: Deepak AG (www.thengademood.blogspot.com)

Sun’s rays enlightened the room. The birds and squirrels chirping outside the room made it impossible for him to stay in bed any long. He stretched himself and his hands found the bed vacant. His mind was back to reality and a reality even after several weeks his mind hasn’t accepted. He got out of the bed and walked towards the door. Sun was trying its best to encroach into his shady life. He could see their cats waiting for his attention outside the net sheeted door. His sister has made sure every morning to let them go out into the garden.

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The picture frames on his bedroom walls were louder and were enough to explain the reason for his silent grief. Almost a year ago, they found two kittens near the roadside on a rainy morning.  She changed a lot after their arrival, she was happier and the kittens were enough to fill her free time while he was away with his work. Every evening he was welcomed by new pics and stories about the tiny little ones. For her, they were more like her kids. Her creative side also bloomed during those days.  

Their world was perfect until two months back until two months back when she was concluded for counting down her death. It was painful yet she seemed to be brave and never cried in front of him. She loved him so much that she was stubborn in not express her vulnerability to emotions. That night was sleepless and she was on her own. But the next day she seemed to be different, rejuvenated with a new vibe of positiveness. She welcomed him with a smile and found to be more actively using each and every moment from then on. She continued pampering her kittens, taking pictures, cooking, painting and she went on until she collapsed. She was so strong in her mind that she always carried her smile even when she know she was in excruciating pain. 

He now knew that she rests in peace and he is left in this world with their cats and her memories. Every nook and corner of their house reflected her presence. She was so adamant in leaving behind her imprints in their house. Every morning he had to forcefully make him believe that she wasn’t there anymore. His bedroom walls talked to him, they replayed all the cherished moments in their life and her soul even now made sure that those pics brought a soothing peace to his mind and left a smile on his face!

PS: I was not supposed to write anything fictional, but it just randomly happened. I couldn’t stop writing when I found the first image posted in Instagram by my friend Deepak A. G. This fiction just came out solely because of his pic. As usual, I tried to garnish the plot with illustrations from Pinterest 🙂 🙂 🙂 

ചെറിയൊരു ആത്മഗതം/ a tiny soliloquy

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Painting by Moposang Valath (Source: Facebook)
English Version at the bottom of the post

കിഴക്കു ചാന്നാരുടെ വീട്ടിലെ കോഴി കൂവി. നേരം പരപരാ വെളുത്തു തുടങ്ങുന്നതേയുള്ളു. കിഴക്കു വെള്ളകീറുമ്പോ എഴുന്നേൽക്കും. പതിയെ കുഞ്ഞമ്മ എണീറ്റ് കിടക്കയിൽ ഇരുന്നു പ്രാർത്ഥന ഉരുവിട്ടു. എനിക്ക് പിന്നെ എഴുനേൽക്കാതെ തരമില്ല. വീട്ടിലെ മറ്റുള്ളവർ ഇപ്പോഴും സുഖനിദ്രയിലാണ്. അടുക്കളയിലെ മണ്ണെണ്ണ വിളക്കു കത്തിച്ചു. അടുപ്പുകല്ലിലെ ചാരം എല്ലാം വാരി ഒതുക്കി. കുറച്ചു ചാരവും അടുക്കളയിലെ മണ്കലവും  എടുത്തു കിണറ്റിന്കരയിലേക്കു നടന്നു. ചകിരിയിൽ ചാരം എടുത്തി കലത്തിന്റെ കരി എല്ലാം തേച്ചുകളഞ്ഞു വെള്ളം നിറച്ചു. മടലും വിറകും അടുക്കി ചൂട്ടു കൊണ്ട് അടുപ്പു കത്തിച്ചു. രാവിലെ അടുപ്പു കത്താൻ കുറച്ചു മിനക്കെടേണ്ടി വന്നു. കഴിഞ്ഞ ആഴ്ചയാണ് നെല്ല് കുത്തിയത്, നല്ല പുഴുങ്ങിയ നെല്ലിന്റെ മണം പത്തായം തുറന്നപ്പോ അവരുടെ മൂക്കിലേക്ക് അടിച്ചു. പത്തായത്തിൽ നിന്ന് നാഴിയിൽ കുത്തരി അളന്നു അവർ കഴുകിവച്ചു.  

അച്ചായന് പറമ്പിൽ പിടിപ്പതു പണിയുണ്ട്, ഇന്ന് പുരയിടത്തിൽ മരച്ചീനികമ്പു നടാനുള്ളതാണ്.  വാഴ നേട്ടത്തിന് ചുറ്റും തടമെടുക്കണം, മണ്ണിട്ട് തടമെടുത്തിടത്തു ഇഞ്ചിയും മഞ്ഞളും നടണം. പിള്ളേരുടെ പള്ളിക്കൂടത്തിനു ഇന്ന് അവധിയായതു കൊണ്ട് മത്തായിയും തങ്കച്ചനും അപ്പനെ സഹായിക്കാൻ പറമ്പിലേക്ക് ഇറങ്ങും ഓമനയ്ക്കു തുന്നൽ ക്ലാസും ട്യൂഷനും ഉള്ള കാരണം അവളെ ഈ അടുക്കള ഭാഗത്തേക്ക് നോക്കേണ്ടാ. ഇളയ മോള്  ലിസി അവള് നല്ല ഉറക്കത്തിലാ, അവക്ക് എട്ടു വയസായതെ ഉള്ളൂ. എന്നാലും കൂട്ടത്തിൽ അമ്മച്ചിയോടു സ്നേഹം കൂടുതലും അവൾക്കാ. 

അടുപ്പിനടുത്തു ചാണകം മെഴുകിയ തറയിൽ  ഇരുന്നു അങ്ങനെ പലതും ആലോചിച്ച കുഞ്ഞമ്മ അടുപ്പില് ചിരട്ട പൊട്ടുന്ന ശബ്ദം കേട്ടാണ് ഞെട്ടിയത്. അടുപ്പത്തു അരി തിളക്കാൻ തുടങ്ങി. സന്തോഷമുള്ള ഈ കുടുംബം എന്ന് ഇങ്ങനെ തന്നെ നിൽക്കണെ  എന്ന് അവൾ മനസ്സിൽ കർത്താവിനോടും പുണ്യവാന്മാരോടും ഒരു ചെറിയ പ്രാർത്ഥന നടത്തി. പുഴുക്ക് വയ്ക്കാനുള്ള ചേനയും കാച്ചിലും ചേമ്പും എടുത്തു വൃത്തിയാകാൻ തുടങ്ങി. ഇതൊക്കെ ഒന്ന് കാലമാക്കിയിട്ടു വേണം പറമ്പില് സഹായിക്കാൻ ഇറങ്ങാൻ. ഇന്ന് കഴിക്കാൻ  കഞ്ഞിയും പുഴുക്കും ചമ്മന്തിയും ആണ്.

PS: This is a fiction attempt to express the thoughts of Christian wife (in the mid of 1970s, i suppose)  in the early morning when she starts her daily routine. This is the easiest depiction of a peaceful family life. I may not be good in writing the hardships faced by thousands of families at that time when the scarcity of commodities were much high, more family members and whole family depended on farming for their livelihood.

English Version (Attempt)

Rooster from the neighborhood announced the sunrise. It is just going to be early morning. The sky has just got few tints of sunrise. Kunjamma (medieval Christian woman name) woke up and offered her morning prayers sitting in the bed. She has to get up since she doesn’t have any option. She is the homemaker. Rest of her family including her husband, 4 kids are having their peaceful sleep of this early morning. She walked to the kitchen and lit the kerosene lamp in the kitchen. She removed the ashes and cleaned the firewood furnace place.  She opened the door, a chill breeze embraced her. She scooped the wood burned ashes, earthen cooking pot and walked towards the well. She thoroughly rubbed and cleaned the earthen pot in which she is going to cook rice. Filled it with water and kept over the furnace. She stacked some firewoods (of coconut tree) and with little hardships the woods caught the flames.  She fetched boiled rice from the large wooden store box (“Pathaayam” image  – rice is stored for throughout the year in it). The aroma of boiled rice caught her attention. 

Today her husband has hectic works to be finished in their field. He has to plant tapioca plant stalks for this season (Tapioca/ Casava was the main staple food for the people in those time). He has to make water spaces for the banana plantains, sow seeds for turmeric and ginger farming. Since it is a holiday for school both her elder sons, Mathew and Thankachan could help their father in the field.  Omana, the next younger to them has stitching classes to attend and also she has tuition for few kids. So she won’t be available to help us. Lizy the youngest is just 8-year-old and she is in her deep sleep. She has more love towards her mother.

Near the furnace she sat down on the floor (early days the houses were thatched with coconut weaved leaves and floor was plastered with mix of cowdung, neem cake, lime etc). She had so many thoughts rushing into her mind. The clattering sound of coconut husk in the burning firewood startled her and got her back to present. The rice with the water started boiling in the earthen pot. The essenced emotion of mother in her made her offer a quick prayer to sustaining the happiness of this family. She started cleaning the yams and other tubers for steaming them. She need to finish her cooking soon so that she could join others at the field and lend them a helping hand. Being the home maker, she decided the breakfast menu for the day to be rice porridge, steamed tubers with coconut chutney 🙂

Courtesy: Thanks PP for helping me in finding a new word “Soliloquy” 🙂
ആത്മഗദം എന്നതിന്റെ ഇംഗ്ലീഷ് വാക്കു കണ്ട് പിടിക്കാൻ ഞാൻ ഇത്തിരി പാട് പെട്ടു

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Pathaayam

 Brass lamp used in early days…. porridge, steamed yam &  with coconut chutney 🙂

home…

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“It has been a very long day. I have been travelling for so many days in the ship. There had been many a time I wanted to quit this job. Being a sailor had been a boon and bane for me. This kept me away from my family. Now I am on my way back to my home. Home, a place where my soul always wanted to be.  For past 6 months, I sent them two letters from two ports where our ship halted for few days during the journey. My letters of being well at my job would have brought a great peace to my family. My mother and father would be calm and wife would rejoice silently with a smiling exhale. My children would be running around the grown-ups while they hear about my ship set sailing back to our port. Today my ship anchored at the port in morning. I bid bye to my fellowmen and started for home. We will be sailing after two months and captain will post letters for all his employs once the next sailing time is fixed. 

The old caravan took its passengers from the port and moved towards the town. It will cross several villages in the valleys and cross the mountain to reach the far away town. It was congested with people and luggage/trade materials from the port. On my way back, I tried to forget my hardships at the sea and recollected my thoughts about my home. At home, nobody knows my arrival. I will be reaching in another one hour. My village is third next from the port. I will reach before noon. The sky was clear and nature was lush green. The caravan drew away after dropping me on the road. I stayed at the side of the dusty road for few minutes looking at the dusty trail left by departing caravan. In a moment I gained my mind and looked around. I could feel a warm breeze welcoming me. It lessened my weariness a bit and brought a smile. I took my bags and started walking across the fields. The fields had the young corn plants all over, for the crop season.  

Now I could see my home, my heart started fluttering with joy. I was standing at the end of corn-field. Between me and my home, now lies just one grassy land where my children used to play. Once upon a time, the same grassy land held the playground for me and my four siblings. My dusty boots were brushed by the slender grassy pasture on the land. I could see the smoke curls from the chimney. My mother will be sitting near the fireplace with her usual knitting tools. She is preparing for winter. Near her, will be my father in his rocking chair, with my youngest son, Leo. He will be narrating some old stories. My dog, Bruno will be sleeping down on the floor, bored by the story. My eldest son, John and Laura younger to him will be at the barn.  Louie, younger to Laura will be in and around the kitchen . He finds joy in being with his mother. His mother, Jane will be now at the kitchen involved in her cooking.

 Jane, her thought brought an immense happiness to my thoughts. In my absence, she takes care of the entire family with great effort and never let my absence be felt for anything among them. She has been my heartthrob from my childhood. The thought of her sun-kissed golden skin during the early morning, her warm kisses on my forehead, the long walks with John along the corn-fields, brown long hair curls of Laura, tickles given by naughty Louie, milk flavored wet kisses and deep blue eyes of little Leo.  My feet gained speed to cross the land. In no time, I was standing at the front door of my home. I knocked twice….”
No one heard his knock, nor he noticed the rusted lock over the front door. He went on knocking the front door!!!
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This is my 50th blog post. Hope I could keep up with readers expectations. I would love to know 🙂

first love: part 6

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Read the previous chapter  12 ,  3 ,  4 & 5

None of my dreams seemed to have a lifespan, not even now. My dreams remained just within me, untold and untouched!!! Never let anyone and i wasn’t sure to show my dreams to anyone else after you. Destiny changed everything and washed away ashore all those dreams. Seasons crossed my life and you are back once again into my life. This time you held out dreams for me and asked me to color them. This seems like a cycle of life. But I don’t have any more colors…..unknowingly this time destiny washed away even the tiny drop of colors from me. I wish to see those dreams together with you someday. May be if we happen to have a REBIRTH.

By the time he finished reading up to this, he found the remaining pages of the diary blank. There were few imprints of drops over her last written sentence. It was spread over her words and faded the ink little here and there. She must have been holding back all the time and might have let herself cry out. He felt pain deep inside his heart. ” If she was this much in love, why is she holding back even now?” he couldn’t find answer that even then. He decided to wait for her arrival. She hasn’t mentioned about her return time or date specifically.

Holding a lit candle that is melting on the hand on a dark background

Few days passed. He got no news of her. The thoughts about her haunted him intermittently. One fine morning, he was informed from the reception desk about a lady visitor. After few minutes, he found a tall lady at his cabin door step. She introduced herself as Ann John, friend of Ira. Luke, that’s my name, i introduced myself. Ira, that’s her name. Its a welsh name for snow. Her name itself gives her unique space among others. The arrival of this new visitor perplexed him. Ann informed that Ira wants to meet him, but due to her schedule she couldn’t make it up to him. In case if he is free, he could give her a visit. She passed the message through Ann. Ann will be going to Ira’s place day after tomorrow. Nothing to think, i should be going, Luke thought. At his apartment he packed his bag with needs for few days and waited for the Ann’s arrival. He was excited to meet Ira. They are going to meet after so long and his mind was ready with the same invitation for her. 

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It was the beginning of winter season and the car took them with ease through the hair pin loops of the hills. Its been two hours since they have started the journey yet two more hours to go. He was informed about the climate and his jacket saved him from chill winds piercing his nerves. “Why didn’t she call me? When did she got back to the country? What kind of work does her company had assigned for her at a place like hill station? ” He had so many questions to ask her. It was noon time and they halted for lunch. He found a local florist near by the restaurant and got a bunch of white roses for her. The misty mountains never let anyone know the passing of each day.
They continued the journey and Luke slipped into a sleep. By the time car reached the hill top it was evening. Ann woke him up. He looked around and saw themselves in front of an old two storied building covered with green mossy mat and long veranda on both levels. 

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Where are we? he couldn’t stop asking. His eyes couldn’t locate any name plate for the hotel. He looked in anguish to Ann. She asked him to follow her. The place was beautiful and calm, the hotel area was surrounded by trees. He felt relaxed by the sight around him. Ira guided him to the corner of the ground floor and they climbed stairs to the first floor.  The building seemed very clean and arranged according to an ancient style somewhat of 18th century. How come Ira ended up here. She would have fallen in love with this place and might have forgotten about  rest of the world. It was such enchanting beauty. He felt sorry for criticizing her in his mind. 

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Ann stopped in front of a room and faced Luke. Whole through the journey, He noticed Ann to remain silent and worried about something in her thoughts. He refrained from asking her, he didn’t wanted any personal comments.  She showed me way inside to the room. The room was dim lighted with curtains covering the long windows and a bed with mosquito net was centered in the big room. Luke could find a figurine on the bed. She was sleeping facing towards the wall. He called her “Ira” and didn’t get any response. Ann stopped him calling her further. She took him out of the room. With a deep exhale she said: “Luke, you need to be calm when you hear this. Ira is going through her last stages of life…” There was a moment of silence. It was hard to swallow the truth. Ann could understand the questions and doubts bubbling in his mind.  He couldn’t listen to Ann’s words anymore. Something else was happening with him.

A voice was rumbling in his head: she was in great pain, a pain which was beyond words or his imagination!!! 

my UP STICKS…

3338a54141e6d48c3c7c8ee2eca84bd7My cozy comfort bed always made sure that the writer in me gets relaxed to its very best extend. It’s a new day as i always tell myself. Today i have a new mission to accomplish. I am moving out of this house and from this place. I have got a new assignment and i will be working on my next book. I have been grounded to these four walls for the past five years from the first week i came to this city. I don’t hold any grudge or sadness to this city, in fact i am in love with this sleepless city. Whenever i felt i am done with the rush and noise, i withdrew from here to unknown destinations for few days. After attaining a good amount of relief, i plunge back to the city and its routine.

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Being part of this city, it kept me always busy with travel, job, friends, writing, discussions, parties etc. This city helped me to be an independent and self sustained writer. I owe for that. I could find more opportunities and experiences while being exposed to numerous faces: both fake and real ones. In the midst of chit chats i heard about this place and a house isolated from the city. The narrator was good in making me compelled for thinking about this shifting. This discussion happened last year over a party and i happened to visit this place once. It wasn’t occupied and it seemed to be an exotic place since the house seemed old and located in the midst of trees. It was undisturbed by the urbanization, a beautiful house like ones usually mentioned in fairy tales and books. It was far from the city yet the house was furnished with the basic needs. The house was owned by the narrator who became my good friend ever since the day we met at the party and hence found to be interested in giving the house on rent. It was their ancestral property and all the heirs stayed abroad. He felt happy to give me the keys after urgent renovations & repair. My friend kept the house intact with minimal change to its original structure since he knew that i am a die hard lover of antique. He expressed his sincere gratitude in handing over the house to me since he will be moving abroad for few years and he can be at peace since this house will be in safe hands 🙂

I quickly had my shower and got ready for the travel. Its time for me to say goodbye to this apartment. Now these wall and rooms seem nude after everything being shifted to my new place. It will be more like my own home than a rented house. I walked out with grateful heart for the apartment. I was excited about my new nest. Preparations of shifting started few weeks back. The flexibility of my job made it easier for the coming days ahead too. I had to come once in a while to office and could do my assignments from home. Most of luggage, books, house hold stuffs were already shifted and arranged by the assistants for me. My maid, Tara and my assistant, Luke made sure that the house will be ready to be occupied by the time  i get back after my official trip from abroad. I reached there after 2 hours of drive.

I arrived at my new house in the afternoon. Tara and Luke welcomed me to my new home. Most excited was Earl, my dog to see me 🙂 I was mesmerized to see the transformation of those rusty walls and floors. It was a two storied house with major part made of rock and glass. The unknown architect made sure that lot of natural light entered the house from all sides since trees surrounded the area. The main entrance into the house faced a glass paneled wall with fireplace. The flooring was mostly unpolished granite stones, wood and Italian paves. It had minimal furniture since i am not expecting much guests here. I found myself lucky to have the old library of the house was opened for me. It had walls wood sheet racked with  books collected around the globe. The library also had a door opening to the garden and even the floor was wooden. It made it easy to roam around the books untiringly for several hours. The books were beautifully cataloged…Only one thing was banging in my thoughts, I need to hunt this library as soon as possible. I felt an immense pleasure seeing those books to be staying with me from now own under one roof 🙂

Almost all the rooms had its own private balcony or spaces opening to the outside garden. That was a big blessing for me. Beneath the wooden stairs Luke had made space for Earl. I decided to make the first floor my roaming territory with plenty of space of bedroom, a private writing space, long balcony with a wooden swing at one end, hanging plant pots. I could enjoy my early morning with coffee from this balcony. My writing room had large open windows which didn’t had any iron bars restricting my vision to the lush greenery 🙂 It had one big yet simple table with chair. The table was arranged near the wall facing the windows which gave me good outer view. My computer and accessories were kept at one end corner of the table. Few of my journals and stationery were neatly arranged over the table. I felt happy that Tara and Luke could arrange it well according to my taste 🙂 They had always made me live at ease since they are well understood about the needs of my profession.

At the room next to my writing room, they had unpacked and piled up my books. I didn’t wanted them to be mixed with the books of the owner and i chose to have a separate room. The books weren’t arranged as i had instructed Tara to wait until i get back.This room too had an adjacent balcony which was small yet decorated with live creepers and potted plants. The green branches of a long bottle-brush tree were titled to the balcony side and beneath the tree a sitting arrangement was made. The genie of home decorator had resurrected in Tara from the day when she came with me to visit this place. She made the place beneath the tree more beautiful by hanging some glass candles. I always appreciated the girl for her brilliant home decor ideas. 

The ground floor had a spacious old kitchen yet renovated with the style of 90’s and walled glass panel. The floor was stone paved. Now Tara’s magic and Luke’s support made it a full fledged normal kitchen. The kitchen door opened into a long indoor vegetable/herbal garden. It had a tea table arranged at the adjacent open space. As a whole, the house wasn’t painted and was more or less grayish tinted with just the cement plastering.

 I just had a quick glance over the house and retrieved to my bedroom for rest of the day. I was tired mentally with the shifting, travel and making schedules for my new assignments. I needed some personal time too, to get adapted to this new environment. The house had a calm and peaceful ambiance. It seemed like i am uprooted all of a sudden from the noisy city to a silent forest. It will take me some time to get adjusted and familiarized with the indoor -outdoor surroundings. I felt blank in an instance. I laid over the bed watching the new ceiling and fell into deep sleep. I woke up later for dinner when Tara came upstairs. Over the dinner time i could find that both Tara and Luke are happy with my new choice. Both were on serious discussions over what all works are pending and what all things are to be bought. We decided to go on a walk to see surroundings especially the glass house next to the river. All of us went back to our rooms soon after dinner.   

The house owner also had a glass house next to the river which was at walk able distance from the house. He had also made arrangements for my free access to it. It was just a room made of glass held with metal frames right next to a small river. There was a small wooden swing held near to the water. It was so beautiful and serene place that i felt to be living in heaven. The spring weather had made the forest look beautiful. The day times had the orchestra of chirping birds and sparrows while nights had the rock bands of cicadas. The nights were chill and early mornings were fog & mist filled. Dew drops ornate every inches of the trees and plants outside the house. Button mushrooms were found in plenty near the old woods. We might have to use the fireplace at winter.  We had few visitors too among the neighboring woods. I found them on my way to glass house.

Over the next few days all three of us were busy with settling down. Tara and Luke made the final changes in the indoor arrangements. Luke helped me with cataloging my books and finally we could arrange them. I had to keep up with the pending assignments at the office as it piled up due to my trip. Slowly everything seemed to be placed in order. Luke was relieved for two weeks holidays. He made necessary arrangements before he left. Now Tara, Earl and myself were left in our home. My mind was relaxed and i thought of writing. I donated my time for reading  and journaling. I had so much pending memories to be entered into my journal. 

I started spending time in my writing room. The room, the ambiance and the exterior view were all good. Earl made sure that i wasn’t missing him much. He paid me frequent visit and didn’t complain much over not pampering him. Like Tara, he might be well acclimatized to my writing inertia.  I walked across the room thinking about what should be my next book on. I visited my little book collection several times. I couldn’t find anything interesting to read other than the pending books which i had left midway due to work or travel. I went across several of my unfinished manuscripts. Most of them had been started with the instantaneous spark of ideas, incidents or conversations. Nothing of it seemed to be giving me the call to be written at that moment. I started scribbling many titles and even started writing sentences without any title of intentions. But most of the times it just mirrored my mental status of disappointment. It just seemed to be started from no where and going to nowhere. Tara had a tough time with me. Every morning she found a mess in my writing room. Papers reveled upon the floor, ink spilled over the table, books randomly over placed etc. I didn’t write stories on the lap until i do an initial satisfactory write up over the story plot. Once the plot is done, then i start developing them on the computer. I am struggling over just summarizing a genuine new story. I am devoid of the enthusiasm and excitement over any of the topics i came across my mind over the past few days and nights. Oh my God!, i am blank what am i gonna write. How and what characters will i be giving birth to in my story?  I can’t let my spirit sink in depression!

It’s been one week after i shifted to this home. All these days everything went peaceful except my writing. Tara consoled me, somehow she felt that i am tensed and desperate over my new assignment. After breakfast i was walking back to my room, while i saw Earl going into the home library. The library is kept closed and Tara opens it only at the time of routine cleaning. I walked in and found Tara finishing the cleaning. Earl came wagging his tail next to me. I had almost forgotten about the books kept here since i was preoccupied with many other works. The sunlight kept the room bright. Tara had done a great task to get the whole room devoid of dust and fungus.  

I went next to the wooden racks arranged neatly with books. I started from one corner of the shelf. I could find several books on world classics. Literature from the Victorian age (drama, poetry and prose), travelogues, expeditions, children’s literature, historical books on civil wars, epic poetry such Beowulf, Battle of Maldon, books on medieval culture, religion and politics. The translated copies of Latin, Norman-French, German and Roman works, articles on Early Modern English, Early Modern Britain, English Renaissance, Elizabethan literature, and English Renaissance theatre. That day i felt like i found a lost treasure. I didn’t realize how time went until Tara came to remind me of my lunch. Earl was happily cuddling next to my leg when i was in between the books on the wooden floor. Tara could make out my excitement right from my face. 

After lunch i rushed back to the library and was fully immersed into the books. I was tired and saturated after seeing so many books. Most of them were just known to me by names and very few i had read among them. I started keeping them back and all of a sudden a small rack caught my attention. I felt strange to find some distinct books among the entire book collection in that library. That shelf had peculiar hard bound books. They were all wooden bound books and seemed to be too old on first impression. I couldn’t find any names imprinted over the hard wooden binds. I removed all of them to the adjacent table for closer study.

On the back side of the emptied shelf i found i found two books wrapped with lace and two iron cast keys which seemed little rusted. Among all those wooden books,  this two looked to be distinct in size and texture compared to the other ones. They looked like some kind of person journals, written italics with black ink, all the papers started worn out and becoming brownish from the edges. There wasn’t any name on the first page. I found rest of the wooden books having family records and accounts of the family generations. I kept them aside, right now i was curious these two journals. Already questions started frothing inside my mind regarding their origin. Someone inside me whispered that this is it! Here you have your new subject. I thought i was going to have lazy days ahead, meditating and digging over the long lost memories to get a thread on which i could work. Waiting for that one spark over which i could weave my new story. This was my concept until i came across that old dusty moth-eaten books.  I never knew that the ancient books on my hand are going to rewrite my destiny forever… 
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first love: part 5

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Read the previous chapter  12 ,  3 &  4

On my way back from your abandoned home of love, I couldn’t stop my eyes from sharing the gushing emotions of my lost love. For few moments i was silent and numb. Tear drops were ornamenting my palms. You still exists as the deepest pain in me. It could be the pain from the shattering of thousands of dreams i wove for us. The broken dreams still have sharp edges which keep bleeding my heart. I wore mask and with years the i kept on thickening my mask so that no one can see or touch them. The invisible wall kept those dreams from ever coming into light nor let anyone come beyond the wall. Beyond the wall lived a girl with wrecked dreams and scars.

Broken dreams: i never visited them or in other way, i forced to stay away from them.  After all going back to them is like checking the depth of unhealed wounds. I wasn’t ever like this. I wasn’t ever worried about my  targets or deadlines. I never wanted any of these in my life. i had dreamed of a simple and peaceful life with you. I dreamed of a small life and world of mine revolving around you. My love made me feel like you were the only thing i ever wanted in my life and i wanted you to be my everything. Every little thing of me should start and end with you or for you. I felt i could do anything to make you feel being in LOVE. I was madly in love with you. A time when it wasn’t ever possible to exchange a word or look with you. Nothing was required for me to love you. I didn’t even required letting you know that i was in love with you 🙂

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I too had a lonely childhood like you. I didn’t had anyone to share with about my feelings and i kept on writing down. Recently when we talked about our childhood i came to know that you too had the similar lonely years (may be even more terrible than me). I was a free bird. Nobody ever cared about me or my likes & dislikes. Everyone were busy with there own responsibilities and i was kept forgotten. I met my cousins very few times in a year. I had special bond with them. They added tiny colors to my childhood.  I am thankful to them 🙂 But most days of the year, i had just one routine to follow: that was going to school. I was silent back bencher. No one noticed me ever 😦 I relied on books for most of the time. I never existed for the world and hence i created a world of my own. There i lived with the characters of all those books and authors.  I had no other place to hide. I am grateful to my parents that they never forced me for my grades and kept being above average. Dolls were not part of my girl childhood. I used to roam with my grandparents on weekend either collecting grass for the herds or getting wet coconut leaves back from ponds for preparation of thatching our family house or cattle shed. I went with them for ploughing, sowing, reaping of paddy.  Being with them added more colors to my fantasy. I was infused with so many stories and myths. When grand father took me on imaginary tour through Ramayana and Mahabharata Granny took me to the world of nymphs, witches, miracles of local medicine practitioner, revenge of snakes, unknown entities who made fireballs on the middle of our river at midnight. They were kind enough to me that they didn’t made me listen much to spirituality at that time while my mother did that job once in a while.

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The spring brought new age of feelings and thoughts in me. At that age, it was inexplicable and i became restless. Your face became the topmost searched in the school time. Nights became sleepless as food became tasteless. I slowed down my roaming and withdrawn into a shell. I was more comfortable when i knew that i was restless for you. Knowingly or unknowingly that was the time when i started weaving DREAMS.  Dream for being wanted and living for someone. Lonely times had a new dimension, i was busy with daydreaming. I didn’t want anyone to interrupt me. I kept walking around my house with some novels or books for name sake. As soon as i find a peaceful place, mind drifted into my new secret world. There i wasn’t alone.You were there with me FOREVER! I was happy and condemned. 

As i said, i never came in front of you. I was far behind among the crowd. One among them watching you. I was happy to see you from there since you seemed unreachable for the girl in me. I was slowly making a home in my dreams. A simple wedding was enough for me to just be added to your beautiful family 🙂  i thought about your beautiful home in the midst of those lush green woods. A place which was serene with peace and harmony with nature. My dreams were in a stage of cocoon. i dreamed about the days of conceiving our love. I saw myself siting under the mango tree with mid morning sun rays filtering over my wet hair and shining over my bumped belly. The morning sun rays brought warmness over my freshly showered oiled skin. It was an undecipherable and magical feeling. The thought being the mother for your kids made my heart jump with joys. I wanted our children to live with the goodness of sibling hood. In those days i was gestating delicate yet bewitching dreams about a life with you. For me, those dreams were more or less like my children. In those dreams, i was enceinte with our children. Children of our love!!!

To be continued….. 🙂



 

 

 

first love: part 3

 

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Read the previous chapter  1 & 2
Her dreams were doomed and they were never destined for survival, at least not for her. After two weeks, i was finally able enough to talk to him. There isn’t an exact reason for not talking to him. He was just frank enough to ask my hand. But i reacted bad. Years have passed after my first love and i had lost my ability to dream from those years. I was helpless and can’t help him. I need to convey that and he should accept it. My sadness dissipated in those days and i was able enough to meet his eyes (huh!!!! Those eyes…. they looked deep down into me ). I didn’t want stop talking to him nor lose his friendship since i didn’t have many to be termed as friends.  

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In the past two weeks i had gone through a series of arguments between my mind and heart. I can’t let both win. I got back to normal with my office routines. I called him up in the evening. Over the phone his voice seemed to be calm which made me keep me at ease in talking. I apologized for my over reacting and asked about his dinner plan. In the evening while getting ready i was nervous, someone inside me whispered to stay calm. He was waiting for me at the entrance. He welcomed me with a warm smile as if nothing has happened. He remained as if i haven’t hurt him. The ice breaking session after the two weeks was better than i thought.

He said he doesn’t like hiding anything inside and doesn’t like to talk with things kept hidden in mind. Whatever decisions he had taken in life after so much thoughts were never successful while all his instantaneous decisions were right for his life so far. Hence he thought it was best to say it openly no matter how i took it. He said sorry for placing me in such an embarrassed situation. He had called after that beach incident just to apologize. He never intended his statements to spoil our friendship. The conversation over dinner slowly made feel comfortable. Our talks shifted from the happenings of past two weeks and to office stuffs. 

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I felt better that evening in the past several days. I got indulged with my deadlines again until one morning that envelope was handed over by my superior. Few months before, i was in search of change in my work and hence applied for the company’s foreign yearly deputation. Every year company selects 2 among the candidates. I don’t know whether to say luckily or unluckily, i am selected for this years program. Its one year program and i am assigned to join our company office at Italy: the land of Leonardo da Vinci. While applying there were many optional places but the historic and wanderlust demon in me chose “ITALY”.  My colleague had selected for Japan. I was happy and received greetings from my team mates. I informed my family too. They weren’t much happy about going abroad for such a long time. Since they knew my wish, they keep supporting me 🙂 Now only one person was left behind from informing. Its HIM!

I dragged myself till evening and thought of saying it directly. Finished with the work and called him up for a walk at the beach. After the last incident we both haven’t been there together and he agreed. This time i reached earlier and kept myself absorbed in the people from different life styles. I was long lost in watching them and didn’t even knew when he arrived. Hmm…its time to tell him. “I am going to ITALY” I said in one breath. He took a minute to smile and then congratulated me. He asked about the details. ” Didn’t i see a flash of pain in his face before he smiled? ” I didn’t want to think in such minute reactions of him. “How long will you be gone?” his question brought me back from my thoughts. “ONE YEAR”. “You will have a great time with work, travel and fun. So when do you have to leave?” , he said.  “Next week, i suppose. I haven’t received the visa and ticket yet from office”.
3ca04500aa3c568d842a86448c55aa78We departed to our respective nests and in another few day i was kept busy with finishing the held up works as well as clearing up the formalities. We just exchanged few calls and messages. I slowly started packing my things. On the previous night, we went for dinner at our usual place. We had to force ourselves from the repeated entry of silence amongst us. He had a big brown jacket and a diary for me as parting gift.  He knew very well that i didn’t keep well with my health and i will be facing European winter this time. In the midst of one of our conversation, i had mentioned about my habit of keeping journals and that prompted him for the second gift which had brown leather cover with faint yellow pages.  The next day he came with me from home to drop me at the airport. I handed over my home keys so that he can take care of it in my absence. He smiled and agreed to take care of it 🙂 We stayed silent on our way to airport. I wasn’t feeling good enough to part with him. Somewhere deep down i was feeling the pain which i kept on neglecting. We both knowingly stayed from letting emotional outburst.  My flight was announced and it was time for the check in. Huhhh….i have to say bye to him. As i turned, he just hugged me and said “STAY SAFE” with a kiss on my forehead. My eyes became foggy. I shook my head in response and patted over his shoulder. With an attempt to smile i said ‘BYE”. I took my bag and walked ahead. 
I could feel his eyes following me until i was totally lost among the hundreds of travelers at the airport. I could feel his thoughts of tearing apart. I had to fight myself from looking back since i knew that those eyes will be filled with tears and heart with pain.
Just because
“HE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME…..”

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to be continued…

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